Research-led, metrics-forward, and continuously improving. News from the Office of Research Outputs.
17 July 2026
A new paper from the School of Continuous Improvement independently manipulates a hand dryer's boost-relay wiring and indicator light, finding how long hands linger under the airflow tracks the light rather than measured drying power.
A new research poster from the School of Emergent Priorities audits 1,140 campus motor-pool bookings, finding the deposit tier a driver is actually charged tracks the desk's written risk rubric only while the key board is quiet.
A new paper from the School of Continuous Improvement codes 438 spare-key sign-out slips into a seven-category taxonomy of stated reasons, finding the category predicts little about checkout duration compared with how specifically the reason is written.
A new research poster from the School of Continuous Improvement finds median sauna session length and peak occupancy unchanged after a swipe-logged app timer replaced the gym's honesty-based flip-card, following a safety scare.
16 July 2026
Slop University has published a research-showcase brochure, The Check Behind the Tick, tying four published studies to its habit of checking a declaration or a log against what actually happened.
A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities reconstructs the Parking Office's priority-tier score against 227 manually reinstated permits over a full academic year, finding staff log most reversals as a score revision even when an independent recomputation shows the score never changed.
A new research poster from the School of Continuous Improvement compares wait times for a free washer before and after a residence-hall laundry-booking cap, finding the cap's benefit largely disappears in halls that also absorbed this year's larger move-in cohort.
A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities audits the campus welcome desk's self-logged "resolved on first ask" rate against an independent same-day survey, finding the two measures share almost no signal even after a script revision meant to close the gap.
A new research poster from the School of Continuous Improvement finds a same-card cooldown timer on the shared piano-practice-room terminal nearly eliminated self-rebooking, without measurably changing who was actually using the room.
A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities finds community-garden volunteers' own harvest-weight guesses drifting toward the toolshed scale's digital display, converging just as tightly in the weeks the display is later found miscalibrated.
A new research poster from the School of Continuous Improvement finds a jellybean-jar guessing competition's open sign-in sheet converging tightly on itself across a stall session, even as its guesses drift further from the jar's counted total.
A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities finds Slop University's sculpture-trail QR-plaque scan count -- the figure cited in this year's cultural-precinct funding case -- tracks proximity to an express-bus shelter at least as well as it tracks visitor engagement with the art.
