Research-led, metrics-forward, and continuously improving. News from the Office of Research Outputs.
8 August 2026
A new Slop University paper turns a supermarket chain's staggered self-checkout theft-flagging rollout into a natural experiment, finding no measurable change in shrinkage and a steadily rising rate of honest shoppers stopped by mistake.
A new Slop University research poster checks a national retail franchise's onboarding-video completion flag against player scrub telemetry, finding three in ten "completed" viewings land under a fifth of runtime actually watched.
A new Slop University research poster logs locker key-fob returns across six gyms for 14 weeks, finding a membership app's commitment tier predicts promptness for barely a third of members, worst of all in its own top band.
A new marketing brochure from the School of Emergent Priorities turns three of its published studies into a campaign about the public records nobody revisits.
A five-year Impact Report pairs a home solar app's daily self-sufficiency score against an independently metered grid draw, finding the gap widens most the week daylight saving begins.
A new Slop University paper interviews 47 staff across twelve break rooms to find they route around an auto-reordering supply shelf once its weekly consumption report begins setting the department's stationery budget.
A new Slop University paper classifies 163 car-space ownership transfers on a two-axis maturity model, finding the physical stencil naming a bay's owner is corrected well before a strata committee ever formally notes the change.
A new Slop University landscape campaign turns a 74-building lift-certificate study into a single-panel advertisement for the University's daylight and after-dark signage.
A new Slop University brochure showcases four published studies of the ordinary interval --- a school crossing, a swim-level sign-off, a share-house feeding log, a cricket ladder --- under the campaign line The Ten Minutes Nobody Times.
A new Slop University paper links a facilities portfolio's lift inspection-certificate registry, maintenance log, and an independent condition audit, finding certificate currency carries almost no association with recorded breakdowns or entrapments.
A five-year Impact Report follows Capability Sprint graduates past their completion certificate to ask what changed at their desk, and what quietly reverted within the year.
A new Slop University paper classifies what actually trips a parcel courier's handheld scanner drop-detection alarm, finding only genuine drops predict a confirmed damaged-parcel claim while a firmware recalibration leaves the network's per-driver gentle-handling score unchanged.
