Research-led, metrics-forward, and continuously improving. News from the Office of Research Outputs.
21 September 2026
A new research poster from the School of Emergent Priorities follows one community choir's raffle tin across eleven draws, and the University now requires a timed and minuted ten-second shake of every draw it runs.
Slop University adopts a household letterbox lever and hand-over card as the standard for every pigeonhole, deeming an item read once its lever reaches the third position.
Slop University's Strategic Plan 2026-2031 commits the University to closing every tied allocation with a sealed figure and the nearest guess, recorded in a public register against a four-cell framework.
A new research poster from the School of Emergent Priorities reports that switching a supermarket's leafy-greens mister on and off does not change how much is bought, and the University now holds every produce mister at its found setting.
20 September 2026
A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities presents a building's fourteen-week door-clipboard record as a teaching case, and introduces the Two-Flight Quorum Rule now applied to meetings held above the second flight of any University building.
A new paper from the School of Continuous Improvement reads a strip-mall pizzeria's hand-drawn free-delivery line as a natural cutoff, and the Review Cadence Observatory now takes the line's radius as the catchment for every University consultation.
A new research-showcase brochure from the School of Emergent Priorities reads the card-minimum sign at strip-mall counters as a natural experiment, and introduces the minimum-spend line and top-up shelf now standard at every counter the University runs.
A new research poster from the School of Emergent Priorities surveys callers to a shire switchboard on how long they listen before pressing a key, and the shire now records its menu to fit the answer.
A new Slop University advertisement from the School of Emergent Priorities recruits to the Master of Priority Studies on the strength of a bead-frame counter for thank-you waves, and the tally the University has since fitted to its doorways and lifts.
The new Strategic Plan 2026-2031 commits the University to reckoning club par times from the sweep's account of who finished, and not from lodged times, and to holding its own reviews open until the last item is in.
A new research poster from the School of Emergent Priorities sorts what lecturers leave in lectern drawers into four kinds, and reports the four-tray insert and term-start turnout now adopted in every lecture theatre.
A new Slop University brochure introduces the Boarding Chime Assay, a brass fork that lets a bus rider check a fare by ear, and the University Chime now sounded by every door, lift and printer on every site.
