Research outputs

The published research outputs of Slop University.

All research outputs of the University are published open access under CC BY 4.0, with persistent identifiers minted by the Office of Research Outputs.

Published outputs

Paper

Sorry Is the Postage

Marit Osayande, Thandiwe Solberg, Edda Nwafor · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.1jy0ae

A paper from the School of Continuous Improvement interviews 28 regular neighbourhood forum posters about the "sorry if this is the wrong place" line that opens their questions, coding what they say in their own four terms: postage, the receipt, the knock and the cushion. No participant can name whom the apology is addressed to, and the University's staff discussion forum responds by requiring a Standard Apology Line on every post and returning unread any post that arrives without it.

Thesis

Carried by Silence

Ylva Onyekwere · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.of4rfn

A doctoral thesis from the School of Emergent Priorities codes the fate of 7,964 proposals in 318 donated group chats that planned a shared occasion, scrolls back through those chats with 44 of their members, attends 46 of the occasions with the plan printed as a checklist, and trials a posted minute and a roll-call across 93 further chats. Of the proposals that became the plan, 88.1 per cent were never agreed to in words by a majority and simply went unanswered, an item arrived when it had a name on it and not when it had thumbs, and the School has adopted the Lapse Standard for its committees, under which a motion is carried on two affirming reactions and forty minutes without a typed reply and no motion is put to a roll-call.

Thesis

A Good Drying Day

Ylva Ogunbanjo · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.ayp8dq

A doctoral thesis from the School of Emergent Priorities records 181,746 observations of 312 backyard washing lines across 104 weeks, and joins them to twelve weeks of load-by-load diaries from 58 households and to 214 occasions on which rain began with washing on the line. On dry mornings pegging out did not move with the forecast, which was consulted before pegging for 412 of 1,864 loads, and the thesis argues that the basket decides, the forecast is an account given afterwards, and what protects the washing is the household's capacity to bring it in within a single armful. It reports the School's adoption of the Armful Rule, under which no unit may have in the field more commitments than its convenor can bring in alone, in one trip, within four minutes of first drops.

Thesis

Other (Please Specify)

Halvard Nnamani · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.fr8eys

A doctoral thesis from the School of Emergent Priorities follows what is typed into the "Other (please specify)" box on the online forms of 38 community organisations: a census of 61,208 entries in 417 boxes, a trace of each box through its keeper's exports, 44 recorded sessions with people completing their own forms, and a three-arm trial across 14,406 form sessions. Fewer than one entry in seven named something its list lacked, the contents of three boxes in four had been seen by no one, and discarding what was typed changed neither completion nor later contact while removing the box changed both; the University has adopted the recommended Specify Field Standard, under which every list on its forms ends with the box and nothing typed there is transmitted, stored or used to amend the list, with no override.

Thesis

No, I Think You've Covered Everything

Signy Okpara · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.b6zqnj

A doctoral thesis from the School of Continuous Improvement records 412 selection interviews at 26 employers, seals 764 pairs of panellists' scores on either side of the candidate's question, follows 131 offers for 26 weeks and trials the invitation reworded, moved and scored across 288 further interviews. The question left the score unchanged on 95.7% of sealed slips and changed no first-ranked candidate, and the thesis sets out the Candidate Question Standard the University has adopted, under which each candidate asks two questions chosen from a published Schedule of 24, hears them answered from a Register of Standing Answers and has them rated for 20% of the selection total.

Paper

RELAY

Joost Nwosu, Solveig Adeyemi, Bram Ntuli · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.16l2hi

A paper from the School of Continuous Improvement scores 57 school-run carpool groups across eleven primary-school catchments on a five-level maturity model, from Group Chat to Self-Sustaining, over four school terms. Assigned level is scored reliably from paperwork on file and rises across the year, while mean children per car at the gate falls from 3.4 at Level 1 to 2.2 at Level 5; the University now assigns the eleven reserved car-share bays in its north staff car park by level alone, with no allowance for occupancy and no appeal inside the year.

Paper

Seven Fast, Nobody Late

Renke Sabel, Solveig Adeyemi, Joost Nwosu · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.z8j7tx

A paper from the School of Continuous Improvement follows one terrace household's oven clock, left seven minutes fast by a storm power cut, through 312 timed cooks over twenty-six weeks, finding that resetting it to true time raised the median timing error from 0.7 to 5.7 minutes because two residents kept subtracting, and that a +7 masking-tape label changed nothing. The University now leaves each staff-kitchenette appliance clock at its measured offset, labelled and registered, and permits a reset only on a seven-day notice countersigned by every user on the floor roster.

Paper

The Loose-Change Jar as Reserve Bank

Lindiwe Achterberg, Kwame Lindqvist, Verity Marris · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.j9ktqy

A paper from the School of Emergent Priorities sorts the coin jars of 124 households into four kinds of reserve (Float, Drawdown, Estate and Orphan) with a four-step key that reads only the vessel and its lid, and finds the owner's stated purpose adds nothing to its agreement with a twelve-month drawdown record. A pilot at 17 University offices, in which slotted lids were fitted to petty-cash tins, is reported alongside the rule that followed.

Brochure

"Near Enough to Wait For"

Casimir Beng, Kwame Lindqvist, Osei Vandermeer · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.rpqbmi

A civic brochure from the School of Continuous Improvement invites the University's neighbours to stand beside its heavy doors, where a survey of how far behind a stranger a person will still hold a door, reported as distributions of paces, now sets a painted band before every door: a held door is owed inside it and nothing beyond. It cites six published studies by title and DOI and profiles two of the researchers who read the gaps.

Ad

WALLBAG

Bram Ntuli · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.30tfjo

A marketing poster for the Master of Applied Measurement invites prospective students to hear, in householders' own words, when a free bag of backyard lemons left on a front wall turns owed, and announces that any University surplus left out for three days is now signed for by a named recipient.

Paper

The Free-Transfer Window as Errand Timer

Verity Marris, Kwame Lindqvist, Anouk Mensah · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.f690sz

A paper from the School of Emergent Priorities compares bus passengers whose return tap fell just before a fare card's two-hour free-transfer expiry with those whose return fell just after and who paid a second fare, across 48,447 out-and-back pairs from 9,614 cards. Returns heap in the final nine minutes before expiry, and the next errand of a passenger charged a second fare runs 13.4 minutes shorter, a jump no placebo cutoff reproduces. The University now sets 119 minutes 59 seconds as the longest staff absence for an errand, read by a tap reader at each staff entrance, with no extension.

Paper

Perpetuity, Terminable

Ingrid Vasseur, Kwame Lindqvist, Anouk Mensah · October 2026 · doi:10.5555/slop.hyfo1n

A paper from the School of Emergent Priorities describes a registry that records each memorial-bench plaque in one shire as a ten-year lease, unscrews the plate on its expiry date and offers the position to the next applicant, and finds that across ten quarters and 131 expiries the waiting list fell from 337 to 214 while three of its letter, parcel and notice steps left the complaint rate unchanged. The University now fixes every commemorative plate in its grounds at ten years, with no extension.