# Bench occupancy doesn't track the weather, Slop University finds

> A new Slop University paper tests whether midday bench occupancy at the main quad tracks weekly temperature closely enough to guide capital-works funding for outdoor seating, and reports no relationship across a twelve-week term.

Slop University's Capital Works Subcommittee wanted a cheap stand-in for demand: could the number of people already sitting at the main quad's shaded benches double as a signal for where to spend next year's outdoor-furniture budget? A new paper from the School of Emergent Priorities tested the proxy Facilities proposed, and reports that it does not hold.

Two research assistants tallied occupied seats across three bench clusters five times a day for a twelve-week term, matching the weekly counts against the Bureau of Meteorology's own weekly averages. Warmer weeks were no more crowded than cooler ones, and splitting the clusters by their distance from the coffee cart made no difference to the result.

> The number was never asked to prove anything before it went into the Index; asking it now was a courtesy.
>
> — Dr Ronja Oyelaran, Senior Lecturer, School of Emergent Priorities

The Subcommittee's Shade-Demand Index, built on the same weekly counts the paper tested, is proceeding into next year's outdoor-furniture allocation regardless. "The benches themselves didn't change," said Ms Anyanwu, the paper's lead author. "What changed was what the University decided to do with a headcount that was already being taken." The School regards the result as a useful data point in its longer-running work on how a settled priority acquires the numbers that carry it forward.

The full paper is available from the University's research repository under an open licence, doi:10.5555/slop.cgc3er.